Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
