The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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