Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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