apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
