So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Are we still banned from the library?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
