in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Sorry about my life...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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