And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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