Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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