And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
