First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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