one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
