You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
