i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It was like getting head from an anaconda
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
