WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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