stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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