I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
