I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
