a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
