I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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