I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
