you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
