I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
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