if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
