Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
