Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
