This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
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He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
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Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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