I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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