She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
