Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
