I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
