I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
