Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
