the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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