So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
