happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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