the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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