He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
