why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
