I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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