Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
