While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
