also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
