someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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