Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
