Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
