i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
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i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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