We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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