false alarm. still invincible.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
