Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
