My nipple is on Facebook.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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