sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
