I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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