I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
