1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
God I need to hump something, right now.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
