those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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