just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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