Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
