ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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