I'm going to rape someone's good day.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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