He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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