love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
