she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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