You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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