Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
