the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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