I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
