Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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