Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
