You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
