come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
