I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
