i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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