Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he was CRYING into my vagina
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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