bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
