I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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