the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
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