About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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