there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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