Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I didn't notice because vodka
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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