No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
