So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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