you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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