was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
