Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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