Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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