JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
